The CHAIN LETTER Page
This simple page is dedicated to those who LOVE chain letters!
Earlier I deleted all the chain mail that
reached my in-box, but now I have started to collect them here
for you all to see. I am NOT going to forward them to anybody,
and I don't believe in the enticements or threats they bring
about. My life and happiness is not dependent on those junk
letters, and neither is yours! Our luck can be good or bad, we
can have love and we can loose it, we can get sick and we can
recover, whether we're busy sending thrash mail to each other or
not. But I think we can be more happy without them!
Anyway, if you still want to read them, just click on the letters
below!
Back to ANTI -CHAIN page
Received:Sun, 22 Jun 1997 18:28:51 MDTFrom:"E M Fleming" <vango@dynamite.com.au>Subject:<<>>
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry about it but it works,
Keep the faith...&Hope
Subject: FW: Sorry about this. . . .
Sorry I had to give you this. :)
Subject: SORRY I GAVE THIS TO BUT JUST READ IT VICKY (IT'S ME RACHEL)
WHAT THEY SAY....WHAT THEY MEAN
By: Santiago
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
What girls say ...what they mean
------------------------ ----------------------------------
Can't we just be friends?
There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of
your body touch any part of mine, again.
I just need some space
...without you in it.
Can you help me with my homework?
If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me.
Do I look fat in this dress?
We haven't had a fight in a while
No, pizza's fine!
Cheap bastard!
I just do not want a boyfriend now.
I just do not want (you as) a boy friend.
I don't know; what do you want to do?
I can't believe that you have nothing planned!
Come here!
My puppy does this too.
I like you but...
I don't like you!
You never listen!
You never listen!
We're moving too quickly.
I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if
this guy in Bio has a girlfriend.
I'll be ready in a minute.
I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I
know you will.
Oh, no, I will pay for myself.
I am just being nice; there is no way I am going
dutch
Oh Yes! Right there!
Well, near there; I just want to get this over with.
I'm just going out with the girls.
We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your
friends.
There's no one else.
I am doing your brother.
Size doesn't count...
unless I want an orgasm.
____________________________________________________________________
What guys say... ...What they mean...
----------------------------------------------------------------------
It is just orange juice, try.
3 more shots, and she'll have her it legs around my
head.
She's kind of cute
I want to bang her till I am blue
I don't know if I like her.
She won't blow me
I need you.
My hand is tired
I had her!
I had (wet dreams about) her all week.
I really want to get to know you better
...so we can do what I tell my friends we do already.
How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?
Is my penis really that small?
You're the only girl I've ever cared about.
You are the only girl who has not rejected me.
I want you back
...for tonight anyway
We've been through so much together.
If it was not for you, I never would have lost my
virginity.
I miss you so much.
I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look
good.
No, I do not want to dance right now.
Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on.
The break-up should not start for another 24 hours.
I want to have sex a few more times.
I am different from all the other guys.
I am not circumcised
=============================================================
PICK-UP LINES
1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
2. Can I borrow a quarter ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her that I just met the girl of my dreams. <OR>I want to call your mom and thank her.
3. Is your dad a thief?? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Yes.")
4. Your so hot, you melt the elastic in my underwear.
5. Would you be my love buffet?? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?
6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread the word.
8. You must be tired. ["Why?"] You were running through my dreams all night.
9. That outfit would look great crumpled in a heap on my bedroom floor.
10. My name's [state your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
11. My name's [state your name], but you can call me "Lover."
12. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck??
13. What do you say we go out for a pizza and then a fuck?? ["No."] You don't
like pizza?? (Be ready with a snappy response in case they say "Okay.")
14. Can I flirt with you??
15. Your dad must've been a Baker, 'cause you got a nice set of buns.
16. [Look at his/her shirt tag. When they say, "What are you doing?"] Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
17. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
18. If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me??
19. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
20. [Grab his/her ass.] Pardon me, is this seat taken??
21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
22. Can you give me directions? ["To where?"] Your heart.
23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
24. How 'bout you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up.
25. Do you know what would look good on you? Me.
26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
27. How 'bout you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes.
28. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.
29. Say, that's a nice [dress/outfit/shirt/article of clothing]. Can I talk you out of it?
30. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours?
31. I hope you know CPR 'cause you take my breath away.
32. Excuse me, is that semen in your hair?
33. My face is leaving in 15 minutes. Be on it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
50 Fun Things To Do In An Elevator
By: Santiago
--------------------------------------------
1. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping your forehead and muttering, "Shut up dammit, all of you just SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!"
and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, then say, "Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"
---------------------------------------------
50 Fun things to do in an exam that does not matter
WARNING:Only do these things if you have no chance of passing the exam.
1.Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3.If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4.Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5.Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6.Bring cheerleaders.
7.Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8.Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
9.On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10.Bring pets.
11.Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12.Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas."If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13.Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14.Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15.Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16.Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
17.Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18.As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19.Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20.Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
21.Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22.Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB.BABE. etc..).
23.Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
24.Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25.Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26.Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
27.Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
28.Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29.Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30.Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31.Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32.Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
33.From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34.Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35.If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36.Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37.Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38.Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39.When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40.After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
41.One word: Wrestlemania.
42.Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43.Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44.Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45.Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46.Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc...sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47.During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48.Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49.Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
50.Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx Sucks"
----------------------------------
The Lovers of the Heart
In order to form a perfect kiss, enable the mighty hug to promote to whom we please but one kiss.
Article one: Statement of Love: The kiss
1. Kiss on the hand..... I adore you
2. Kiss on the cheek.... I just want to be friends
3. Kiss on the neck..... I want you
4. Kiss on the lips....... I love you
5. Kiss on the ears..... Im just Playing
6. A kiss anywhere elsel..... Lets not ger carried away
7. Look in the eyes..... Kiss me
8. Paying with your hair..... I can't live without you
9. Hands on waist... I love you to much to let you go
Article two: 3 steps
1. Girls if a guy trys to get fresh, Slap him.
2. Guys if a girl slaps you, kiss her.
3. Guys and Girls close your eyes when kissing it isn't polite to stare.
Article three: The commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze to hard.
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give and take.
3. Thou shall kiss at every oppertunity.
Article 4: You must make 25 copies within 5 days or you will have bad luck for seven years in relationships
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wishes of a Lover
As I look out at the majestic sea,
I know you and I were meant to be.
I only wish I could make you see
how much your love means to me.
I wish I could walk up to you
and speak the words that lovers do.
But now I sit here sad and blue
wishing that I could be with you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
This chain got started in 1997. In 5 days you are supposed to give it to 27teens. Its is easy. go into chat rooms and find them. Anyway send it to 27 teens in 5 days. Now comes the fun part you then say the name of the person you like or love then that person will either ask you out or tell you they love you.
> NO JOKE. Now the conquences. The punishments are, if you break thechain, you will have bad luck in love, or in relationships for 7 years. If you don't break the chain you will be a happy camper!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Real life story:
"I sent 28 letters, and then this guy that I had liked for nearly 3 years,
asked me to go to the senior prom with him.Then a few days later, he asked me to go
out with him. That was about 2 months ago, now we are the best couple. He
graduates in May, and he promised not to go to college until I graduate.
I'll graduate in 1998. He is the sweetest guy I have ever known."
Heather Thomas
1-4-97
"At first I thought that this was the weirdest thing I have ever read.
But I just decided to send it for fun. I wasn't having any luck with
girls. I sent 23 letters. About 4 or 5 days after I sent them, I met this wonderful
girl. She was everthing I had dreamed of. I always thought these things
were so stupid, but now I send every single one out that I get. I asked her out
about a month after I had met her. She said 'YES!!!!' That was over a year
ago. Now we are married. I think that this will last forever.
Matt Jenkins
11-27-95
Now the consequences:
If you do not send this letter to anybody, your life will be a living hell.
You have 5 days to send this letter to at least 1 person. You can send this to as
many people as you want to. I am warning you...do not just delete this
letter. It is a new chain letter and we would like it to get sent around as quick as
possible. I refused to send it to many people when I first made it in June of
1995, because I didn't believe it would work. I sent it to 38 people, then I
got the best boyfriend that I could ever have.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remember!!!!!
A plum is a plum
A peach is a peach
A kiss aint a kiss without a little tounge,
So open your mouth and close your eyes
and give your tounge some excersise.
This chain started in 1887. It is a love chain letter. In 5 days you are suppose to send it to 27 teens. It is easy, just look into chat rooms and find them. Anyway, send it to 27 teens in 5 days. Now here comes the fun part. You then say the name of the person you like or love and then the person will say " I love you," or " Will you go out with me?" NO JOKE!!!!!
Now the consequences:
The consequences are: If you break the chain letter, you will have bad luck in future relationships. If you don't break the chain, then you will be a happy camper!!!
YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN!!!
Congraulations! You have been chosen to particapate in the LONGEST and the LUCKIEST chain letter on the internet! Once read, this letter must IMMEDIATELY
( meaning within the hour) be sent to 10 people. After you send it, make a wish and it will come true in the amount of time of days, as the time.
For example, if you sent it @ 8:00, your wish will come true in eight days.
YOU MAY NOT WAIT FOR A CERTIAN TIME TO SEND IT........ REMEMBER, IT MUST BE SENT WITHIN THE HOUR, OR YOUR WISH WILL NOT COME TRUE! If you fail to send this letter, bad luck will be headed yor way.... IF THIS CHAIN LETTER IS CONTINUED UNTIL THE YEAR 2000, IT WILL BE PLACED IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE CONTINUE OT NOW!!!
*WARNING* IF YOU DO NOT PASS THIS ON, SOMETHING BAD OR WORSE WILL HAPPEN TO YOU:
Case #1: Take Heather Dickson of Bufor, MN. She was in love with a named Dennis Samson. Heather got this exact letter and did not pass it on because she thought it was stupid. Dennis was her true love... 2 days later Dennis was killed in a car accident.
This letter:
You must send this letter to 10 different people within an hour after reading it, If you do this you will recieve luck in love. The person you are most attracted to will return your feelings. This is not a joke!!!!!!!! You have read the warnings..... you must send on.
Eric Mancough sent this letter 45 minutes after reciving it..... not even 4 hours later he was walking up the street when he ran in to Ann Hearteam, his secret crush for 5 years. Ann came up to him and told him of her passionate crush on him that she had had for 2 years. Eric and Ann are still, married happy as ever.
* NOTE* THE MORE PEOPLE YOU SEND THIS TO THE MORE LUCK YOU WILL HAVE IN YOUR LOVE LIFE. IF YOU BREAK THE CHAIN LETTER ( IT HAS BEEN GOING SINCE 1883) YOU WILL HAVE BAD LUCK WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE FOR SEVEN YEARS. THIS IS NO JOKE. GOOD LUCK!